How Self- Aware Are You?
Are you a micromanager? If so, you probably have a good reason as the majority of micromanagers are perfectionists at heart. Or perhaps you’re micromanaging because this is your first time leading a major project and it all rests on you. Or maybe you’re dealing with someone you know who needs to be pushed. Those sound like valid reasons to micromanage, don”t they? There’s just one thing missing, a greater understanding of how your need to take control affects others. When you micromanage, you demoralize. You signal to others that you don’t trust them, whether it’s a point by point list for your spouse or you hover behind people at work. You make assumptions about others and tear them down.
So, how can you be more self-aware in this situation? You can start by recognizing that you do not exist in a vacuum and you have to work on trusting others. Remember, you’re working toward the same goal.
How often do you find a way to lay blame elsewhere? Something has gone wrong, you played a role in it, but you have a better fall-guy so you walk away squeaky clean. We like to put situations in context, particularly when we feel under attack or know we weren’t to blame. If your response to critique, criticism, or feedback is yeah, but… then, the reality is you’re looking for a way to deflect negative attention you don’t want. It’s an understandable response, but have you ever thought about how that looks to others? It looks like you are someone who avoids accountability. It looks like you’re dismissive. How do you overcome this type of habit? You need the awareness to see how people react to how you express your feelings and opinions. It’s related to emotional intelligence in that you have to be able to separate your own thoughts from the observations you make of others’ behavior. When you slip up, take accountability. People respond positively when you acknowledge your mistakes instead of trying to blame others.
Do you get angry or upset when someone offers feedback? Do you view all feedback as unwarranted, harsh, or unexpected criticism? Do you feel negative emotions swirling within you when a colleague critiques you? You’re going to have to check in with why that upsets you so much. Once you’ve had a bit of self-reflection you will know next time why you react so harshly. Feedback is a normal part of life, whether it’s at work or at home. The majority of feedback is offered to help you grow. It isn’t always personal, even if it might feel as though it is. The reality is that nobody is perfect and growth matters. It won’t be easy to accept, and you will naturally feel anxious in the face of unexpected criticism. However, it will help you identify areas ready for growth.
Wouldn’t life be easier if everyone could just read your mind to know that you’re hurt, angry, frustrated, upset, or sad? It would certainly be easier than trying to express your feelings. It’s certainly safer emotionally to say I’m fine when you are not, in fact, fine. We want people to view us as confident, competent, and capable and the best way to avoid confrontation and deflect emotions is through passive-aggressive behavior. If you are careless with your words or engage in passive-aggressive behavior in an attempt to communicate, then you’re guilty of two things. The initial behavior and also setting unrealistic expectations for the people around you, because they are not mind readers, no matter how much you’d like them to be. You’re also exhausting everyone involved, including yourself. When you’re dealing with strong emotions, always take a moment before you respond. As tempting as it is to bottle up your issues, you have to find a way to express them fairly. It’s a delicate balance.
A lot of people struggle with a fear of embarrassment. No one enjoys feeling embarrassed and for many, it evokes feelings of shame. So, when you feel bad and you find yourself in a situation where you’re the butt of the joke, laughing is the last thing on your mind. Instead of laughing it off, you get angry and lash out at the people around you. Instead of sitting with the discomfort, you find a way to distract yourself by deflecting. Self-awareness means accepting that you’re upset, ashamed, or embarrassed and laughing about it anyway. It might sound like a small thing, but when you can laugh at yourself it shows that you are aware you can make mistakes and have accepted that it’s something that happens sometimes. It’s not that deep.
You’re Not Listening
Are you a good listener? If your answer is yes, I encourage you to ask why you believe that to be true. Think about this. You had been working on a project, you finished it just in time to meet the deadline. You felt nervous about your work. There were some other bits and pieces that you would have liked to include, but you didn’t have time. You did have an idea that could strengthen the overall response, but it was too late. Despite all those nerves, your presentation got great feedback. Everyone responded positively, except for one single person. In this situation, who did you choose to listen to? Did you focus on all the positive responses? Or did you dwell on the person who didn’t respond positively? It was probably the latter, which means you aren’t really listening, are you? You chose to dwell on the response that got you in your feelings, confirming your insecurities. Is this something you do often? Do you think about what you’re going to say and wait until someone stops speaking so you can jump in and say your piece? If that’s what you do, are you listening? When communicating, listening is key. That isn’t some major secret, but it isn’t easy. It’s what and how you listen that matters. Self-awareness means listening not listening for. Listen to everything they have to say, not just the parts you want to hear.
Self-awareness is a continuous work in action. It is not a one-time job. We have to constantly work on our inner development to unfold the total value and gifts that we are and have to offer the world. The more self-aware you become, the happier and more fulfilled you will be. Self-awareness in its absolute sense means being aware of your true nature, your inner being, the Self. The Self is beyond the body and mind. It is the soul of our being. It is the source of all the energy, intelligence, peace, love, and happiness that we seek in outer life. When we lose connection with our source we suffer, become unhappy, unhealthy, and lack fulfillment in life. We may become successful financially but will never feel fully satisfied or fulfilled. The Self is your connection to the Divine within. To know that is to go beyond ( transcend), the constant chatter of your mind into the silence of your own being. Transcendental Meditation, TM, allows this to occur in an effortless, way. If you are going to change your life you want to change it for the better and you want that change to have lasting effects. Regularly practicing meditation, introspection, and self-reflection can help you take action today to protect your goals in the future. I have designed the “Master Your Emotions, Transform Your Life Course “, to assist you in your quest for self-awareness. The wise through time have said, “Seek that first and all will be granted unto you”. It is a journey well worth undertaking.
Other publications by Dr. David Lee Sheng Tin
If you enjoyed this report and want to learn more about how to manage your emotions, improve your relationships, and enhance your spiritual growth, these publications will assist you in your quest.
“A Practical Guide To Emotional Freedom”
This book was created to help you first understand what emotional health really is and then to learn how important this aspect of wellness is to your overall well-being. In this book, we explore the ways that emotional health can influence your life, how to know if you are an emotionally healthy person, and the habits of those who are emotionally well. It offers suggestions and tips for how to improve your emotional health, including how to identify the areas in which you may need to improve to achieve this important status. You will discover simple yet effective strategies for improving your mental health in ways that also impact your physical health. Available at www.psychedonlife.net/e-books
“Keeping The Spark Alive”
Every relationship has its ups and downs. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship for there will always come a time when things change, fights and conflicts take place, and people end up parting ways. In “Keeping The Spark Alive” you will learn everything you need to know to make sure that your relationship will turn out for the best and become better and more wonderful for the next months and years.
Available at www.psychedonlife.net/e-books